antibogon: The Word (Rhapsody)

The Book of Rhapsody

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3:7 And the Lord commanded His servants to create Mac OS X.

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4:7 And the Lord saw the work that His children had performed, and recognized that it was good, and did not slay them.

4:8 The disciples saw the work, and saw that it was good, and praised their Lord, for the work was good, and He did not slay them,

4:9 And they rejoiced, though they suffered long in the Desert, and still did not switch to Linux/Intel in despair, but stayed the path of the light and of the way and of the truth of our Lord.

4:10 And they suffered with wailing and gnashing of teeth the loss of FAT binaries, for the Lord commanded the OS to boot only upon the elegant and fast PowerPC, and never to boot again upon Intel, nor upon SPARC, nor upon any other processor, which had been cast out from the heavens like lightning, though they may be popular, they have no righteousness.

4:11 The Disciples suffered with delight in their hearts the desperate thirst of wandering lonely in the desert without an OS for nearly twenty-four years.

4:12 And the Disciples emerged from the desert after twenty four years, thirsty to drink deeply from a secret desktop OS, which runs upon the desktop G3, and the iMac, and the PowerBook of our Lord as surely as there is a sun in the heavens above;

4:13:And the Lord commanded from highest heaven that the OS be delivered in one year, unto those disciples who giveth their first-born son. Unto all others, the OS may be delivered in eleven or twelve more years.

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7:27 For He has the wisdom to be not confused, even that the OS is, and yet does not crash, and includes Unix tools and a Terminal and many shells, and is not modal, and is yet easy to use and which does not suck.

7:28 And the Disciples praised the Lord, and cried out to be heard, but their songs went unheard, and they feared the Lord was angry with them, for they defied the Lord and asked why the OS was given only to Priests, and they cried out, "Why have You forsaken Your Disciples, O Lord?", and there was no answer, and they feared the Lord was angry with them.

7:29 For they coded applications to the Yellow Box API and with wrappers for DPS, the Language of the Priests of Adobe, who were cast out of the heavens as punishment for licensing bogosity. Yea, they fell as lightning falls from the Heavens.

7:30 And still, the MacOS X was not yet ready for the unwashed, for it did not crash, and was not modal, and may confuse them, for it is Unix, and it is easy to use.

7:31 The Lord ignored their plea, commanding the ISVs that they should sing from the mountaintops the praises only of netbooting and WebObjects, and those who did not heed that message shall be ordained to wander aimlessly in the desert for eleven more years, and sing songs of praise for they were blessed with a server for MacOS 8 which was better than NT, and a server for Apache which was better than Linux; though it was not free, and did not run upon Intel, it certainly did not suck.

7:32 And the Disciples were confused, and angry, and desperate, for they were willing to tithe, and sing from the mountaintops, for a workstation OS which did not suck, so they might be allowed to sell applications if only to each other, without offending the Lord.

7:33 Yet as they sang the praises of the MacOS X Server, yet for the OS there was no respect from the heavens above, nor from the grass and earth at their feet.

7:34 And the Disciples praised the OS to the heavens above, and shouted from the mountaintops, and fasted, and prayed with fierce supplications and intercessions, yet there was no respite from the hellfires and glass shards below, and doubt and ridicule rained down continually, for it did not run upon Intel, nor was it opensource. And they prayed for it to be made available in some for to the commoners. And still the Lord Most High did not answer them.

7:35 After forty days, and forty night, the merciful Lord looked down upon them, and through His Marketing Host, they were called to crawl upon their bellies through the desert for eleven more years, as a serpent, in search of an OS which does not suck.

7:36 Some of the Disciples were weak, however, and tempted damnation, and they paid in secret the full price of a Server OS, though it were only a workstation OS which they needed; and in secret they obtained instructions for making it run upon the iMac, and upon the PowerBook, even though the Lord had commanded that it shall be supported only upon servers.

7:37 And they cast the artifacts of network booting and fileserver daemons, and Web Objects to the ground.

7:38 And they were summoned and gathered together, by our Father who taught us to pray,

7:39 Our Mach, which art in heaven, secret be thy name.

7:40 Thy system come, thy will be gone, from earth as thou art from heaven.

7:41 Ship it this way, Mach kernel and OS, and allow us our objects as we allow Carbon to share CPU time.

7:42 For thine is the Unix, and the Objects, and memory protection forever, amen. Thus saith the Lord.

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For the scholars among you, here is a sample of the original geek text, decoded from a silicon disc ...

[[(thine = thy = [ OurMach whichArtIn:heaven ]) name] be:secret];
   if ([[ thy system ] doesCome]) {
       [[ thy will ] be:gone from:earth asFrom:heaven ];
    }
[ MacOSX ship:thisWay with:machKernel andWith:OS ];
[ thePeople allow:ourObjects asWeAllow:carbon to:@selector(shareCPUtime) ];
for (EVER) {
   [thine is:theUnix];
   [thine is:theObjects];
   [thine is:memoryProtection];
}

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